December 2019

11 On the plane. The quarter wrapped up pretty well I’d say. I want to spend more time next quarter going outside and with close friends. I’d say a lot of newer relationships developed this quarter which I’m really happy about, but just want to make sure I’m spending my time right.

Overall this quarter was a lot of internal learnings. I realized how important the people I surround myself with can be, and got to learn and talk to a lot of them. It meant a lot when I say farewell to my professor, and he said “Jacob… stay in touch, ok?” I will. Who knows where life will go, or what I’ll do. I certainly have a few aspirations but they don’t all have to happen right now, right now I need to just keep working and exploring, and that has been a really big thing I learned this fall.

4 I would probably benefit from just laying around for a few hours?

1 I’m in a terrible mood right now. Most likely directly related to the ~4 hours of sleep I got, after rolling over and over in bed. I haven’t had a night like that in a long time. It’s 3:30pm and I haven’t accomplished anything I set out to do, yesterday. So now the frustration is compounding. Meanwhile I have ~2 hours before I need to go to the airport and fly back to Seattle. So I’m sitting here in my room trying to be productive? Rather than hangout with my family for my last hours in town, which then pulls me into a pit of guilt after moving two thousand miles away four years ago. Fuck this. How can I change my perspective and clear my mind.

Sitting down and getting to work helped a little bit. It’ll probably hit again later when I haven’t gotten enough done though.

November 2019

26 I am fucking tired. I’m also really proud. Proud of myself, of a lot people around me, of iu. We’ve been working really hard on this one. Crazy to close my eyes and imagine summer calls and early fall meetings when the EP didn’t even have a name, a track count, or a release date. We are now three days away. Wow. I’m so fucking proud. We’ve been working really hard for this one. Postering, Merch, Social Media planning and production, throwing the entire listening party. This has been a dream team production.

Man o man am I tired. I can’t wait for the EP to be released, for the merch to drop, for us to know we put our best into it, worked our hardest, brought this project to life, and, did it together.

14 It’s kinda crazy how on the outside I feel sometimes. I mean at one point I even felt really far on the outside of iu. I forget that. and that people are what you make them. Jacques and I had a really good conversation about that. About the mindset you can get in and how spaces are what you make of them. I want to remind myself that I should just focus on being genuine and I will connect with like minded people. I guess that gets tricky with social anxieties and having so many different interests, but I do think he’s right, those people are not exclusive they are just not going to stick around to make small talk all night. I want to get better at drawing. At least just a little bit. Storyboarding this morning was rough.

13 Maybe it’s because I woke up this morning (late) to do some video work, maybe it’s just a random Wednesday, but I’ve had an inspiring day in terms of project ideas. I want to persue both? Maybe one as a capstone. We shall see.

Maybe it is because I have time to do and think for myself rather than on work on all of these freelance projects.

12 I spent two or three hours just laying in bed yesterday. Doing nothing. Not because I was sad or tired, just to slow down, breathe, and think. It was really nice actually. My therapist asked me to answer this prompt: “Who are you? Not climbing or snowboarding, who are you as a person.”

Anyway I wrote this:

I am Jacob Elias. I am my own person. I’m compassionate, affable, smart, funny, talented, curious, empathetic, considerate, quick. I am a leader, sometimes using brute or bossiness other times other times using my smile and welcoming tone. I am creative. An artist, film maker, storyteller, designer. I am a friend. A dependable ear, a warm hug. I am a person with wants, needs, fears, hopes, dreams, and feelings. I am lonely and need alone time, I am lost and sure of myself, I am tired and yet unsatisfied. I miss learning things, absorbing knowledge and facts, digging into piles of information, reading everything about anything, working with my hands.

4 Hm. I’m never on here anymore :(. I don’t like that. I would like to spend some more time journaling. Perhaps in the morning? I dunno. This is hard.

October 2019

26 Apparently I’m a flirt and I keep hurting people. I guess I’ll just stop talking to people.

22 I want to design, bake bread, and make movies for the rest of my life. I want the ability to do those things fluidly, help people how I can, and live simply. Is this possible? How?

Thinking more and more about these different paths I have. I could go work a “tech job”, make some money and then go be a bum for a while. Or should I go a more challenging route, struggle now and rise later? Will I ever get to be self employed? Probably. If I’m really thinking about it this much.

21 “But right now, right now I need you.” Singing seems to help. Just letting my soul choose the words.

I don’t know, this whole thing is really disorienting. If life is a rollercoaster, this part feels like those really close together up down up down up down humps that don’t have much amplitude but seem throw you around quite a bit.

Something about service work (search and rescue, etc) feels extremely powerful and motivating.

17 Wow, I’ve just felt like shit all day. Fuck this.

14 Rendered the final cut of the i///u year in review video. I haven’t finished a video in a while, that felt really good. I also found the time to listen to music this morning and it’s amazing, oh my god I miss music. I don’t want to do work right now. I just want to go on a walk, call my parents and breathe. I just might…

Other thoughts: Bread is delicious until you have too much. I miss writing in here and think I need to center again.

6:55 AM September 2019

23 Being on for that long is exhausting.

I hope people don’t hate me.

18 Home. Being home was everything. Wow, I was not ready to leave, no sir. Just started to find my rhythm. That’s ok, I’ll be back soon—I hope. Excited for the new Whirlyball to open in Brookfield. Getting to see Mr. Kallay and Mrs. Ellinger-Macon, and Mr. Berg, and just the whole Social Studies department was really special. I forgot how great those teachers were, how much they meant to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop listening to Bon Iver’s new album. There are a lot of very powerful songs.

Wow being home was just everything. Seeing everyone at GBN was so amazing. They really helped me grow and respected me. I could see it when I was there. My photo is still on their wall, along with the card I wrote them. “Love this kid” Kallay said to JEM. It really was amazing to go back there. To get to say that to his students “Listen to what he says, this is one of the best teachers you will ever have,” I meant it.

10 Wow I am rusty. Editing photos this morning was tough. I wanted to give up. I hated all the photos I had taken. I couldn’t get anything to look right and had no clue how to push it in any direction. Loosing all my edits last year really set me back.

9 I’ve never had a morning routine before. At least not one I’ve really stuck to. I’m hoping this one will be more consistent. 7am. Monday through Friday. It’s time to get to work. Each day of the week a pursuit I’ve wanted to focus on longer.

I told Aisling I didn’t have a morning routine, and asked what I should do. Her response was an amazing question: How do you center yourself to feel ready to take on the day? I have no clue, but hopefully I will soon.

Oh man so many things. I haven’t journaled in a while, what the heck. I miss this page, a lot. I get so caught up I forget to write things down or I do but they’re scattered in other documents and have not found their way here… Maybe I should spend a minute collating everything to this doc. Anyway I’m gonna sleep now, but I have writing I want to share, pictures I hope to post, videos to edit, and roads I want to ride. Friends I want to see, family to spend time with and call, classes to TA and take, and somehow thousands of other things because I love running around trying to do it all. But from 7 to 8 am, one hour a day, I am going to focus.

Freedom and Chaos August 2019

28 So I’m building a bike… Pretty excited to get this thing rolling. I spend basically all of yesterday working on it. I definitely made some progress, but there’s still a long ways to go.

It’s really hard to focus on freelance right now. I want to be moving. So many things I want to do! I just feel so scattered at the moment, how do I center the wheel?

Yeah so the rest of today was crazy stressful and hectic. I have been stretching myself way too thin, and leaving no room to do nothing—literally for the past six days. So tonight I’m just laying in bed, canceling plans and dialing it back, oh man I need this. Slow it down Jacob, just ride.

27 Day 1. I made a list, and it’s packed. Hopefully I will keep a good pace this morning and get everything done. I’m most stressed about the freelance work, today is Tuesday.

26 It’s time to get back to me.

:/ July 2019

23 Today was a good day. Leaving work I felt accomplished, which hasn’t really been the case these past few days weeks?? Yeah.. I’ve had quite a few uninspiring days, days not feeling challenged nor fulfilled by my work, and honestly its been rough. I finish my work day at five and then frantically scramble to feel accomplished by anything in the following few hours before the sun disappears. Time, while something I am constantly at odds with, seems even more scarce and valuable. I hope more days can be like today. Days where I see ideas through from start to finish, where I get to solve problems at a conceptual level rather, thinking about complex problems not stylistic ones. I miss my Papu. and my family.

13 Tonight was not the night I wanted it to be. I don’t feel content right now, nor satisfied. In fact, a lot of my time tonight feels lost. Most frustrating of all, I knew, right from the start, that this was how I was going to feel. I didn’t want to go to Ballard, especially not during Seafood Fest, packed with people. I didn’t want to go out and meet new people or socialize—I do plenty of that at work. I wanted to go on a nice walk, maybe have a beer or two and catch up with a good buddy of mine. I have no interest in meeting new people, not when I don’t even have time for the ones I already care for.

11 I finally opened up Premier to continue editing warmth., my second film, and oh man I feel so lost. Digging through hours of footage my heart was bursting. Tidal waves of nostalgia, memories, and feelings. I need to pour it all out onto the timeline—but I can’t. I’m scared or at least really fuckin overwhelmed. First I need to finish this one, or at least figure out how to walk away from some of my footage, and focus on one thing. It’s kinda cool to know I have another thing I want to make, I just worry I’ll start a hundred projects and never finish any of them.

9 I left work early today. I’d been feeling so static, I needed to move, to exercise, do something. So I did. Biked 30 miles, and it was exactly what I needed. Honestly, longer might have been even better. I had time to relax, be by myself, to think, feel, ride it was really good. Forgot to call my Nona though :/ and I was late to dinner with Luke. It’s hard to try and live your life after 5pm. I want to do so many things, but when?? Maybe one of these days I’ll learn the secret…

8 Damn. Everyone is leaving, this house is starting to split. So many memories, so many good times. I’m gonna miss these boys. First Connor, now Christian, soon it will be September and the house will be full of new faces. “Don’t say hello when it’s time to say goodbye.” I think about that lesson a lot. My high school principle was right, don’t wait until it’s too late. Seeing so many great people tonight I thought a lot about that. I miss them. I miss nights on the back porch, early morning tea, and sitting around chatting for hours. It’s time to start tending to the bridges I’ve built these past few years, before I have to say goodbye to them too.

Goodbye in 1 June 2019

30 This video, it’s amazing. It kinda crushes me. So many people are so talented. How am I supposed to stand out? Why should I even try?

My identity is composed of a multitude of things. Each needs attentions and nourishment. Too much hiking and not enough time making films or editing photos gets me down. As does too much time cooking instead of spending time with friends. Balance continues to come back in many ways, I’ve always recognized its importance but somehow it feels like a slap in the face every time.

24 I think I’m starting to find my stride here. There are some good people, and they’re pretty smart too. Sometimes the structure and red tape can get a little ridiculous though.

18 First real day of work. Man that was tiring and overwhelming but also exciting and fun! I think I’m gonna have to fight a little bit to be heard.

17 Wow the time just seems to fly by. Everyone is graduated! I’m gonna miss em. I start work tomorrow?! I’m excited. Also Adam helped me make a budget and I’m very grateful for that.

8 Who are my people? What community makes me feel full? Where did they go, or, where did I go?

6 It’s always so inspiring to watch the seniors do their thing, watching everyone come together for ‘the show’. I’m excited, and insanely nervous, for that to be me. Getting to make the video, dive into our cohort, and one last hurrah before the real world comes calling. Thinking about it all ending, I start to freak out a little, I just can’t imagine it. School has been my life, forever.

“Wait! How can you be so sure I’m ready? To go out there!?” _
_“Here’s the thing,” my professor would respond, “you’ll never know you’re ready until you take the first steps.”

Here’s to all the seniors I’ve got to hangout with, work next to, and be inspired by. Keep up the amazing work, you’re going to great things, and I’ll see you soon.

long sunny days. May 2019

29 What an unreal weekend camping, wow. Trouble is, now I just want to be back outside, frick. Sometimes I just fall into these funks and nothing can really cheer me up, good news, good people, it doesn’t really do it for me. Dear Mr. Man in the black crossover suv, I’m sorry I took my frustrations out on you, I don’t know what you’re going through or why you were rushing but that was uncalled for and I appologize—I’m sure karma will come back around on me. Till next time.

24 Things are changing, time continues to march forward. The unknown, so often romanticized and welcomed, seems rather scary to me. Everything keeps changing, everyone seems to be on their way out, nothing feels certain.

18 It’s pretty hard not to be intimidated by the number of talented creators out there. Why would I stand out? Why would I get to make films, capturing stories and experiences if so many other people can do it—better than me. I want to spend more time with good people. Every time Luke and I hangout we just get stoked about making videos and planning the big project. I’m nervous but excited for this summer. We gotta get to work.

16 I don’t like to feel lost in social spaces.

15 “Don’t envy what people have, emulate what they did to have it.” Welp? I’m still alive and I’m fine, but holy shit. That is the closest I’ve been to death. I’m still shaking. I just feel dumb, I should’ve been more careful. Why was I trying to talk to Claire while on the road. What the fuck was I thinking. Not sure I want to bike at the moment…

14 Have you ever felt so pulled towards a personal legend before? So moved by an idea or opportunity that it terrifies you?

12 Ok new plan: Get a climbing camera setup. Hone my craft of film making. Meet Jimmy Chin. I’ve been making a list of my hero’s, and I think I should stick to it closely. There are so many things I want to do, so many different futures I dream about. It’s exciting and motivating, but it can also be extremely disorienting. I want to throw myself, entirely, towards my goals, but I haven’t been able to read the compass clearly.

6 Whoa. That will probably forever be the craziest interview I ever have. I kinda loved it. And they gave me an offer at the end of a phone call?? It’s been a pretty good day. I did some awesome lead climbing and then tried to send Women’s top rope final with Cezanne—what a blast.

2 I hate messing up and feeling lost. Showing up late to Digital Fab to find out my sketches are wrong and I’m behind. Fuck this. Update: everything ended up being ok, but wow it is really easy to freak out in this class.

1 Farewell Charlotte :(. Visual Idiot was a hero and mentor in my early design career.

April 2019

23 “How do I want to grow next, and why?” I need to sit down and write something out for this.

22 Registered for Bloomsday this morning. Kinda nervous to run a 12k but also excited? I want to push myself past mental limitations and I think if I start training with Luke I can do it.

21 Worked out and went on a run with Luke today, I didn’t realize how accessible his workout was, I think I’m gonna start doing it with him more.

19 What do you do when you’re in a slump? I just don’t wanna move, I don’t wanna do anything. Which fucking sucks, I want to be stoked. New plan: I want to find my heroes, the people who inspire me.

18 I miss talking to my parents, about more than just my day to day. I miss the stories that come out when we’re sitting around and the music my dad loves to show me. I want to call them more but I feel like that moments only happen in person.

16 Today was a pretty good day.

15 You need to ask for help, then the world will conspire to support you. You can’t say yes to everything.

14 Back in Seattle. Not 100% sure I’m ready for class tomorrow. Just need a minute. Then I’ll catch up on my ID class and things will be good. Since I landed I haven’t taken a ton of time for myself. I need to slow down at some point this week. I want to call my brother back, get a good nights sleep, and write.

12 On the plane again :). Pretty excited to be back in Seattle.

It’s crazy how much happened this week. It feels like I just finished a quarter of school, but it was only a week. I’m really glad I went; as much as I’ve complained and been tired and scared, I stepped out of my comfort zone and really learned a lot, about myself, about design, about IDEO. I’m really excited to get to work, making things that I’m excited about and seeing them through, finding who and what inspires me, and embracing complexity.

11 Today was a lot of fun and I’m really proud of our final prototype! I did some cool illustration work and made some dope posters. Yesterday was definitely rough though. I was rattled from the interview and lost a lot of my confidence as a designer, which is already so volatile—boy do we love imposter syndrome. Jacob really helped me find my feet again and he taught me a lot.

10 Ouch. That interview was rough. He was honest, but brutally honest. Definitely have more work to do. It did mean a lot when he said “Your name has come up. A few people have been talking about you, so don’t sweat it.” Do I want to do design forever? This is one of those day’s where I’m feeling lost. I just want to go camping right now.

8 Day one. In Cambridge for the week and off to a soggy start, oh my god was it raining today. The CoLab was really cool and I’m really excited by our brief. The team seems great and we’re off to a good start. Hopefully our momentum will continue. Definitely feeling far from home. I just miss my people. I just think that’s how I roll. Getting out of my comfort zone is good thing, that’s what I need to remind myself.

7 Have I really not been journaling this month? Damn, I thought I had at least typed something up. Currently on the plane to Boston, I think there are a little under two hours left? I’m gonna do some catching up now. Woke up this morning pretty stressed. I think it was a mix of all the filming and prep for i///u catching up with me and the fact that I needed to catch a plane to Boston. I think I was coping and focused on what I needed to do, and then the second I made it to the other side, it all hit me. Not gonna lie, I am nervous for the CoLab. But, while I don’t know the people or the place, I do know design. I hoping that once we get going in the process, I’ll feel at home.

I watched Free Solo on the plane, what a great film. I’m intrigued by Alex and loved the way they told the story. I really look up to Jimmy Chin, he’s one of my heroes. After watching this film, I think Tommy Caldwell is too. I appreciate how daring and curious they are, yet, both are extremely thoughtful and vulnerable people. I still wonder if I will like climbing outside, I hope so, but it also seems terrifying—sport climbing specifically.

6 What a wonderful morning. Homemade Saturday brunch with all of my favorite people. We played some tunes, cooked some food, it was great to relax a little. This quarter that is definitely a goal of mine.

The slow morning was followed by an insane afternoon. Picked up a drum kit at 3, started unloading at 4, we finished the shoot by 10-10:30ish, and then cleaned up. I got home at 11:30. Stuart has a video of me in a state of half panic and stress, half stoked beyond belief. He captioned it, “That feeling when something you worked really really hard on actually WORKS”. I think that sums it up pretty well. It was so cool to see everything and everyone come together. Also wow that was so much fun! Lots to learn…

5 We had a big BBQ! It was raining for most of the day but Eli and I kinda decided that if no one showed up, we’d grill anyway. So many good friends came by and there was so much foods. The beginning of the quarter is always so exciting, getting to see all of your people again. I love people.

4 Ten Years Later. UW Design hosted a talk with the alumni from 2009. It was so cool to see photos of them at each others weddings, still so close after all these years. And killing it! It gets me excited. I really liked what they said also. Will try to update soon.

Stressed n Stuff March 2019

30 Lot of emotions right now. Sad, scared, excited, happy, like I said, lot of emotions right now. Flying back Seattle at the moment, got to say hi to Jovan and BStrain on the way to DIA. I’m excited for this quarter.

Saying goodbye to my family was really tough. I think I’m gonna try to write something on this plane ride.

28It’s really nice being together with the whole family. Hanging out with everyone and snowboarding with my brothers is a blast. I am excited to get back to school though. I suppose I said this last quarter too, and then ended up terribly stressed/exhausted, but I really think this quarter is going to be a blast. A lot of work. But I want to focus on having fun with a few, and make it awesome.

27 ARQ-751. Fuck, ahhhhh, fuck.

Accidentally watched the sunrise this morning, half asleep. It was beautiful. I don’t know that I want to work in Amsterdam for the summer. Being in Seattle sounds so awesome. Bummed Chicago didn’t work out, I was really excited by that opportunity.

26 I’m overwhelmed. I finally read through everyone’s intros for the CoLab and holy shit everyone is either studying at MIT or Harvard or somehow both at the same time. I guess it is humbling to be working alongside so many brilliant people but more so, it is fucking terrifying. These people are amazing, and I’m sitting here trying to write an intro that doesn’t sound like all I’ve done is figure out how to fit the round shape through the round hole. This isn’t the only thing I am overwhelmed by. Just people in general are so talented and amazing and beautiful and everything else. Sometimes I just lose all my confidence, and today feels like one of those days. Those days suck.

It is in these moments I search for external validation, I reach out to those I know will make me feel more stable. But, I want to get better about being able to give myself that validation, internally. Maybe I should delete Instagram, or at least stop checking it.

25 I was on a road trip to Colorado, things have been busy but good. It’s nice to be back with my parents and relax a little. Tomorrow my brothers come in and then the whole family will be together. I got a 2.9 in a class. That hurt. I really thought I did better in that class but I suppose some teachers grade harder. That compounded with not getting another internship. It’s been a really good day, the snow was amazing and I can’t complain—just a dash of bummer on the side, ya know? Life will work out anyways, I just know that.

24 Booked my flights to Boston today. Ahh. Wish I booked them sooner though, damn prices keep going up.

18 The more I think about it, the more I want to be far away from civilization. I need a minute, around the fire, under the stars, outside. What I would pay to be driving North on 51 right now, headed to Pallette Lake. It really is a different world up there.

16 Today was weird. I freaked out a little after three. I was planning to work but the second I got to the art building all I wanted to do was be outside, and I felt like I was wasting my time. I had a plan to kick that feeling, went climbing, biked to Magnuson, hung out with Luke and Marwa and Dayton, but I am still feeling kind of off. I’m just gonna go to bed, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

13 Ok now I’m kinda stressed.

12I do come off pretty intense. Why is that? I don’t think it is a bad thing, but I would like to be more aware of when it is useful versus when I might push people away.

11This is going to be a busy week. I’m pressed but not necessarily stressed. Just need to nail this cover letter for IDEO and prep for my Art History final. Both need to be ready for Wednesday, so that’s fun. Then literally everything else. I was invited to the CoLab fellowship in Cambridge. WHOA. It’s a week long in April and I would 100% miss a week of school to do it.

8A friend of mine just got waitlisted to UW. It kind of put things in perspective for me. Here I am stressing about internships and jobs, like it’s the end of the world, yet I’ve already made it so far, thinking every roadblock thus far was going to be the end of the world.

6 I started editing a video today. In some ways, they’re like journal entries to me. Jack kinda nailed it. I really love the feelings and moments they can recreate. Taking it one day at a time seems to be working pretty good.

4 I feel like I spend most of my day drafting emails and responding to people. I guess sometimes that’s part of all these intern apps. I got my work done and went climbing with Luke. That was awesome. Then on the way home we went and said hi to Emma! I miss those days with all of us hanging out.

2 I. am so. tired. That was such a cool experience, but also so exhausting. Working through a sprint like that is insane. It makes me appreciate the process and taking it slow so much. Also though, that was so cool we made a thing! This feeling, lying on the couch right now is exactly what leaving the workshop was like. I was just dead tired, unsure of how it really went. Yeah. Man this place is cool. The IDEO offices were cool. Everything is cool. SF just feels so new and full of opportunity! Grabbing dinner with Audrey was nice. i///u won Sound Off!!! Holy shit! What a day.

1 WHAAAAA–I’m in San Francisco! It was a lot of running around once I landed, but I’m grateful I had a place to put down my bags first. Got to see SF MOMA and then the Golden Gate Bridge. Then I went climbing at Mission Cliffs, Emma KG let me in for free! That was dope :) It was really nice to see her. Tomorrow is the makeathon…

Work Hard, Play Hard? February 2019

28 “Give me a holler if you want to bounce ideas or just decompress…Yeah I’ll be doing huskies but I mean chair lifts exist so yeah.” Meant a lot that Eli offered to chat, I really like that guy. I’m really excited to go to SF.

27 Holy shit I’ve come a long way. I entered a world where I knew nobody, 2000 miles from home. Looking at where I am now from where I was on my first day of school feels pretty good. I am definitely still figuring it out. I feel so terribly volatile.

I was standing on the top of the quad steps, by the art building. Looking out at campus. It was a powerful place to reflect. Out of my peripheral, I saw a figure was walking over to stand next to me. I imagined it was Jack, about to put his arm around me as though to say “Look how far we’ve come Jacob, everything is going to be ok.” I closed my eyes and cried.

26 Finally called my parents and told them what’s been up. They’re the best. “Whats wrong?” My mom doesn’t miss much. Talking to them helped me calm down a little bit. We’re gonna “take it one day at a time, the rest will fall into place.” — Dad. I miss my parents, a lot. I think today is going to be a better day.

It ended up being a pleasant day. I’m exhausted and tomorrow is going to be a lot of work, but thats ok because I’m going to bed, and I’m feeling ok.

25 While I don’t think the workload has changed, it feels so much more daunting than before. Especially Corporate Identity, I just feel lost, unsure how to approach my work—a terrifying place to be before a critique.

I’m tired. Sure we’re at the end of the quarter, but this feels different. Usually I’m able to push through and keep working till the end. I can’t seem to recharge or slow anything down. Skiing, climbing, swimming, time with friends, what used to motivate me to crush my work has only become an escape. Now, my stressors disappear momentarily and when the day ends, it all comes back. How can I work through this, and finish the quarter? How can I better pace myself next quarter, so this won’t happen again.

23Emma really liked the photo album I made her! I’m really proud of how it turned out. Today hasn’t been too bad. While I did not get as much work done as I should have, I don’t feel like my time was wasted.

22Hey dumbass, you forgot about yourself. In your conquest to do it all, you forgot about the most important thing. Bet you finally realized that when you don’t have someone who cares about you, right there, in the center of your life, you have to take matters into your own hands. Yup. Sometimes you gotta say no. Sometimes you gotta cut shit out. Sometimes you gotta stop trying to find people to care about you, and get to work. Fuck you. Go take care of yourself. How?

13 We’ve had a lot of snow days. It was fun but I missed school. I need to get some rest though. I have not been sleeping well the past few days and I’m starting to get pretty sick. Skiing yesterday was awesome though. I’m glad I got out there. Now it’s time to slow things down and focus my time. I want to hangout with more friends. School and work have been taking up too much of my past two weeks. Had a really great interview this morning! Although that’s what I said about the last one and I didn’t get it… Fingers crossed.

6 “Life is short”. A 19 year-old student at UW passed away earlier today. So far all that has been reported is a serious head injury after slipping on the ice. I just don’t understand. That must have been an insane fall.

5I have never worked so hard and played so hard at the same time. Wow. Although, I don’t think I’m doing too much. I continue to “play” and recharge and I think keeping that balance is key. Things are good! I would love to spend some more time with my close friends but I’ve been doing a pretty good job managing my time recently. Connecting with good people is so important to me. Really, just getting to know someone and chatting can be really nice sometimes.

“We’re Gonna Make it Fuck” January 2019

30 Today has been a bit of an up and down of stress. It’s hard to hear other that your classmates are getting interviews for the internship you haven’t heard back from. But that’s ok. Really! It’ll work out. As long as I stay curious, and keep creating, it will all work out. Sitting in class, trying to stay cool was tough though. I was anxious, antsy. I needed to move. Swimming really helped.

29 It’s crazy to think how close Luke and I are. Just to have such a strong connection with someone, so quickly. From our first days of school. Lucky to call such an awesome person my best friend.

28 It’s gonna be a good week. Time for bed though. Today has been a busy one. Hiking with Marwa this morning was awesome. A little sunrise and breakfast before class was exactly what I needed :).

24The design career fair is tomorrow… I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. It’s been a day full of prep. I didn’t leave the art building until 7:40—for context, I had a class at 8:30 this morning. Yeah. Waiting for the light to turn green I watched a man struggle across the street. He had a limp to his step and in that moment I realized that tomorrow is not all that important. I’ve been in his shoes, I’ve struggled to cross the street, get dressed, and live day to day. While I can stay up all night worrying about the career fair, I’d rather take a moment to think about how lucky I am to have my health today.

22 I need to stop worrying about how to act and trying to figure everything out. It’s time to just be. I’m Jacob Elias and I’m really good at being Jacob Elias, so I’m just gonna do my thing. “Just show up. And have confidence that it will work out…“ It always does.

20 Bummer moments: when you get stoked about something but then it all falls apart. Really wanted to go to Portland tonight. Why not!? We don’t have school tomorrow, let’s just send it. Sadly, we’ve got no where to stay and so just about as fast as the plans formed, they have fallen apart. That’s ok though, maybe next time.

17 Watching Vox’s 2018, in 5 minutes, and then Google’s Search in Review (2016–2018) jump started something, a part of me I haven’t thought about in a while. I got into this because I want to help people. It’s why empathy, acknowledging my privilege, human connection, smiling are all so important to me. If I can make someone else’s day just a little bit brighter, someone else’s life just a little bit easier, it will all have been worth it.

16Surround yourself with people who make you laugh, remind who you are, and tell you it’s gonna be ok.

15Been saying “rad” a lot these days… It feels right. Life is pretty rad.

12 Such an amazing day. Hanging out with the whole crew is always such a blast. And in Crystal! On a blue bird day! Rad.

10 - Wow this is already a lot. How do I already have so much work? Finally sorted out the little things: email, to-do lists, etc. Ready to get to work tomorrow.

6 A little nervous for tomorrow (first day of classes). I’m excited to be in VCD though, I think it’ll be good to mix things up. Definitely miss the IxD kids though.

1 Things to remember for 2019:

  • Slowing down is often the answer
  • Spend as much time as you can with the people you love, when you start to take those moments for granted, pinch yourself
  • Turn off your gadgets and look up. Frequently.
    Sure it’s cool to capture a moment, but it’s pretty special to just live it.
  • Just because they are not around does not mean they don’t care about you
  • Wear your helmet.
  • You don’t need to kiss someone at midnight [on new years], hugging your friends tight is pretty special
  • If you have your health, you have everything

Here’s to a year full of opportunity, friendships, and wondrous adventures… and probably love, learning, self reflection, and art if I know myself. I’m going try and take it one day at a time. If I focus on being happy day to day, then everything else will fall into place. Can you tell I just reread The Alchemist? Anyway, see ya around 2019.